Here i go again

recently, i've been putting alot of fake smile..

the sad side of me is arising very fast..

felt like something heavy is going to crush me very hard soon..

i cry, out of nothing

i sad, out of nothing

i smile, that may not have meaning

i sigh, coz im nothing

ask me why i feel this way,

i can only answer "dunno"

because the honest and serious answer is, i really don't know

daydreaming of what i'd be in future..

is nothing but blank vision..

thinking of what should i do next..

is nothing, only left *...*

watching everyone doing their own stuff, makes me feel like im useless..

dad ask me to rest, enjoy holiday more,

frens ask me to not rushing in finding jobs,

hubby ask me slowly in finding work..

but i dun feel like staying at home..

i dun like the feeling of waking up everyday knowing i got absolutely nothing to do..

i dun feel that im myself anymore

"someone" invading me

and its... painful