Happy 53rd Independence Day

“和”

“我要和你在一起。你愿意做我的男/女朋友吗？”

这句话，是不是常常听到呢？

有人的一生会听到好几次。但有些人只听到一次。

难过的是，也有人在他的一生中，一次都没听过。

返回想一想，最难过的事，是得不到爱或者爱到心很痛？

可是又想一想，爱的定义又是什么呢？

对每个人来说，他们有他们知己的答案。

而对我来说，爱，是不可能可以用好几个字来说明。

爱，就是一个感觉。一个你不可能可以用字和别人说明。

爱，就好像“和”。和你最想在一起的人，和你最开心的人，和会跟你一起伤心痛苦的人，和你最没有办法失去的人。

我说的好像很感心吧？因为“和”也可以用在家人身上。

和我家人一起已经有了23年。很快就要嫁出去了，说不难过是骗你的。

再也不能天天看到他们的情况，不能面对面和他们对话，真的有点不舒服的感觉。

好想哭，可是一定要忍。可以的时候，只能留下一滴一滴的眼泪。

Birthday + Kart-ing

I got burfday surprises.. and make it DOuble XD

it wasn't a crowd.. a few here n there.. but really got me surprise!

Especially when i was at home.. they show no leak at all =D

Then spent days at Hubby's hse..

Weekend spend hot hot day at go Kart-ing

this look like photoshoot.. LOL

Yes, im gonna miss u guyz =(

Sometimes letting go is hard.. But it's easier than holding onto something that's not even here..

Officially Legal XD

14/08/2010

The very memorable date to remember for the rest of my life..

The beginning of new path between both of us..

The next level in our lifes..

Hereby, i thank those who attended, those who blessed us, those who wished us with full heart..

Much grateful and many thanks.. =)

The Issue

It's been awhile since i last sleep soundly..

In my guess, it's been roughly 2-3weeks since i have this problem..

Insomnia, as they phrased it.. but i failed eventhough i've tried many ways either modern or tradisional way..

I guess to do the basic step of clearing everything in my mind is the hardest ones..

I've never tell any1 about the whole true story..

and all is kept within me..

to make others not to worry bout me, end up me being suffer myself..

rather to consult psychiatrist, i'll spill it out here =)

When i first deliver the news to family, none was happy about it..

showing faces, spilling words, easy to get out from them, but hard for me to digest..

Again, i have to swallow everything in myself..

I admit i'm not strong enough.. i AM emotion-full at times..

SO yes, i did cry alot alot of time but not infront of them of coz..

What's bothering them, i have the same doubt too..

I did think for myself, am i capable of handle it? Am i stable in condition to face future challenges? Aren't this coming in a wrong time?

I begin to worry and worry.. pressure and stress.. keeping myself shut and juz pouring tears under the blanket..

Until the very 1st time, i saw the monitor.. Saw the small little bean size begin in me, then everything seems to be fade away.. no worries, no pressure, no stress, just peace..

Just by putting my palm on it, the kind of peace is hard to describe by words..

A second of peace, brings a lifetime of hardship..

Because worries of financial condition, i stay on to job eventhough it's hard..

In no other optional ways, i have to carry stuff..

In no other ways, i have to smile eventhough it's not a happy situation..

Being careful in every food i eat, every drinks i drink, every step i take, just for the sake of the magic little ones..

Im human too, u know?

besides staying being positive, i have my negative thinking moments too..

Because i cannot feel any supporter, i did think of letting it go..

Thinking perhaps this is the only way make everyone happy..

Thinking perhaps this is the only solution for all the problems..

Then, Sis asked me.. "are you sure you can do it?"

i paused and then answered.. "no"..

How could any1 possibly do it?

It's a life you are letting it go.. It's ur magic little ones..

Girls, they are very special..

They hold a kind of what we called 6th sense, and it's often true..

1 week b4 the check up, i felt something is wrong.. until i saw the monitor, it's confirmed in solid proof..

1st doctor, 2nd doctor, 3rd doctor, all giving me the same answer..

By now, letting it go is no longer an optional, it's a must..

No one knows how much liter of tears i've poured, because i also lost count myself..

Holding my palm on it again, praying and praying that's not true..

Hoping and wishing it was just a dream and i must wake up real soon..

The day i admitted into hosp, i thought i already accept it..

Until they push me in to surgery room and wait..

i was sitting alone watching ppl walk pass here and there..

Holding both my palm and begin to talk to "him"..

..."i'm not willingly let you go now.. it's under force condition.. i really really wish the day was delivery day and not letting you go.. "

A nurse then come along, checking paperwork by my side and asked me.. "are you comfortable?"

I then answered.. "how can i be comfortable for doing such procedure?"

Tears immediately came visit me again.. rolling continuously like never ending water tap..

Looking at the time, second by second past, i calm myself down and they begin to push me into main room..

In there, all very bright.. white bright..

It seems like heaven, but that's where we're separated..

In hours time, magic little ones will no longer grow.. will no longer be seen.. it'll be gone..

Looking at the bright light, i begin to feel dizzy..

Everything seems to be spinning and i dun even know when i went to sleep..

But i have a dream.. i dream there's a pool of red liquid and there's white stuff which they tell me it's the magic little ones..

When i really woke up, i feel cramp..

THe 1st question i asked the nurse was.. "how is the magic little ones? where will the magic little ones end up?"

She only answered me.. "everything will be explain later"

While i wait being push back into ward, i heard the conversation next to me..

"you have a healthy one.. dun worry.. we will send you back to ward.. later you will get to see him.."

Only God knows how much i wish those words are for me..

As time past, as im recovering, i thought i've over it..

But it seems like it hasn't..

When i see something similiar, i begin to think and it gets me sad.. really upset..

Until the latest, this morning after went for Dim Sum, radio was playing a song..

the lyrics goes something like this..

"This is the unique present you gave to me.. At this moment, it's very special to me"

Thinking back my birthday coming soon, the magic little ones should be the greatest gift of all..

But HE took it back..

Tears then again rolling down.. my mood?? instantly went down..

It's past, i know..

But it doesn't mean i won't have any feeling attached to it..

It's over, i know..

But it doesn't mean i could get over it..

It can be heal, i know..

But it doesn't mean it will not leave scar..

Maybe there are people who thinks im feeling too much..

Thinking too much, emotion too much, negatively too much..

But have you thought, if it weren't for all these, there will also be no happiness?

I can accept being compared.. but b4 you find out the whole truth, can you not make ur own judgement about me?

开花结果了。。

The proposal finally done! XD

Comes out with surprise and surprises =D

没想到的结果，你最后都已经做得到。

真的很开心，真的想不到。

老公，我爱你。。

为什么？

有时候做人真的很好笑。

有些人会说，可是不会去做。

有些人会做，但却不会说。

可能是我想的太多，或者是我不懂你的心，

我一直以为你会做的东西，你没有去做。

我生气，你就不开心。 我没有说话，你就叫我发出一点点声音也好。我哭，你只会叫我别再哭了。过了不久，你就没有耐心然后就骂我。

难道我没有资格不开心吗？

或者我在你心里是一个无所谓的人？

Zero to Zero

I have waited for the surprise to come.. but it turns out to be disappointment..

why do i have to always voice out so that only u'll know?