I'm a female too - mentally & physically

Feeling unwanted.

Doesn't matter whether it’s a friend or lover, I believe no one would ever wanted to feel like not being welcomed in any occasions.

It started back when I was very young, 9 years old? I used to have a lot of friends that laugh, smile, cry, argue with. Until one day when all of the sudden, a girl just have to spread rumors saying I’m a vampire, I’ll suck their blood. (funny? It feel like death at the age of 9 of me).

I ran and cried in toilet. I ran and cried under a tree at the back of my school. So that no one would come to me and tell me to “go away”.

Going to school every day feels like the end of the world to me. I never like school. I never feel so heavy getting up from bed every school day.

And just when I thought it’s all in the past, here we go again. Feeling unwanted from friends I knew for years.  It really made me feel extra. Made me feel I’m bothering your time.

And recently, I’ve been asked “why are you both always go together?”.. why? I’m bothering your time now? Feeling sour in my heart and I still need to smile and say “just in case something unhappy happened. =) “

At that point of time, I feel like slapping myself for being so fake. But perhaps this is the fake that they wanted to see. And so, I just smile :)

I may sound like a guy, speak like a guy, act like a guy, assume stuff like a guy. But really, in reality, I’m just a female – mentally and physically.

FRIENDS

Who get hurts the most? The one being ignored or the one who ignores others?

When you think you’re making a sincere friend, do you need to re-think in near future?

Do you have to constantly remind yourself that they are there, or they just come into your mind out of nowhere?

Initially, I thought I have friends; friends that will not leave you no matter what situations it is, no matter how distance you both are, regardless of whether you’re attached or single.

But then, I’m wrong.

Constantly telling myself that “Hey, they still need more time with their partner”, but this last for months and even approaching years. And so, are these really friends?

Yeah, I do know there are many types of friends out there. But whichever type they are, it is still me who sincerely treating them. And it hurts to know that they can just lost in contact just a *snap*.

Is reality teaching me not to be sincere? *I wonder…*