Feeling unwanted.
Doesn't matter whether it’s a friend or lover, I believe no
one would ever wanted to feel like not being welcomed in any occasions.
It started back when I was very young, 9 years old? I used
to have a lot of friends that laugh, smile, cry, argue with. Until one day when
all of the sudden, a girl just have to spread rumors saying I’m a vampire, I’ll
suck their blood. (funny? It feel like death at the age of 9 of me).
I ran and cried in toilet. I ran and cried under a tree at
the back of my school. So that no one would come to me and tell me to “go away”.
Going to school every day feels like the end of the world to
me. I never like school. I never feel so heavy getting up from bed every school
day.
And just when I thought it’s all in the past, here we go
again. Feeling unwanted from friends I knew for years. It really made me feel extra. Made me feel I’m
bothering your time.
And recently, I’ve been asked “why are you both always go
together?”.. why? I’m bothering your time now? Feeling sour in my heart and I still
need to smile and say “just in case something unhappy happened. =) “
At that point of time, I feel like slapping myself for being
so fake. But perhaps this is the fake that they wanted to see. And so, I just
smile :)
I may sound like a guy, speak like a guy, act like a guy,
assume stuff like a guy. But really, in reality, I’m just a female – mentally and
physically.
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