This was never easy

You can never show me your heart because you blinded me with your lies.. not all the times but on those important one

There is never a day my heart stop beats for you, but you made me realise all these heartbeats are for the wrong reasons...

I wish there is a time where i could turn back and erase all these heartaches.. because it is never my intention to wash face with tears..

I couldn't ignore what you did, because it constantly reminds me on how dumb i can be for you.. and it hurts to know the way you treat me is "to let the time wash away the tears"..

Am i not worth being treated loyal by a man who love me? Have i done any sin that is so unforgivable that i can only be punished with a million stab to my heart? Am i just destined.... to not be loved?

There's never an easy day for me.. i hide away all the pains with smiles and joke.. but really, im having this constant headache that is tearing me apart..

I want an end to it.. because i wanted to shine again sincerely.. i wanna tell the world that im in love again.. that im back on track.. that i stand up once again for love.. for a man i love and for i know he will treat me right..

How can this be so hard?

Congratulations!

Congratulations on your new girl!
Although it is not something I'm surprise on, it still show me that you still choose to lie..
There are stuff you should cover, but there are situation you could not cover with all your might..
When your honesty doesn't checks out, then it can only be accompanied with all eyes seeing at you in an unfavorable way..

I did wonder why you still choose to deny, and at the end, i convinced myself that it was because you still wanted to recover your dignity with lies..
Then, looking back, I can only see myself as a blind, brainless woman who doesn't wanna accept the truth and only keep on hurting myself..

So, my new years' resolution is to be a happier me! - by subtracting you from my life..

This was never an easy solution.. but you made it easier by showing me how rubbish i am all these while..

Final week of 2015

What will be your new year's resolution?
Another year is going to end real soon.. Have you been reflecting your past and look forward to a different you?

Perhaps it would be better to maintain the current you?

The past me, there are ups and downs.. But I learned in a hard way that no matter what happens, you will only have yourself.. 

Therefore, I look forward to a better, happier me!



Here's to more parties in 2016!!

Not in favor?

Revenge, seems to be serious and this is how I feel everyday coming to work..

Scary~~

I always believe that besides home, office should be like your 2nd family because that is where we spend most of our times at.. Hence, colleagues are like our 2nd family member..

Unfortunately, not in my case.. at the current moment, I feel so life threaten as i type..

Why? Long story..

To cut it short, it is only because of a wrong mistake driven by a negative energy in a person and leads her into doing wrong things.. Now, fingers are pointing everywhere and the devil is looking for her sweet revenge

How? I wouldn't know.. all I know is indirectly I am involve in it.. 

But I always tells myself to think positively.. Maybe I am just being paranoid.. I might be just thinking too much.. and so, just stay calm and be careful.. :)

Her home, Your place

Went pass by her place yesterday, the place where you enjoyed your time there..
The exact place that got me upset, with seeing both of you smiling in car..

Able to cover up isn't your style anymore, and to turn one eye blind is not my style either..
So to come to a conclusion of us being apart seems to be much easier for you..

I sometimes wonder how can you easily agree on staying away from me..
Now i know it's because you have your new place now..

It used to be with me, but now it is with her..
It used to be our place, but now it has became your place..

To accept changes in a positive way is not easy, especially when there is nothing positive that i can see..
Perhaps you showed me in your actions that the only positive thing for me, is that being away from you..

Her home has now become your place..
And soon enough, your place will be her home..

It's not always about the task

For all those who are currently working now, who is employed under a company,
have you been in a situation where the stress / pressure did not come from your job task, but from a person instead?

Be it your colleague / boss, it feels like as if they are testing your patience to the MAX level..

Yes, most of our seniors will be inputting the same comments into our head - "be patience and you will get through it", "this is working life", "if you can't stand such little comments then you won't be success" .

And so, are we being paid to be a scolding bag to the seniors? Are we being paid to do jobs accordingly and then get finger blamed for nothing when something goes wrong? Don't we ALL have the patience limits?

I do love my job.. I gave my heart out for every task I am doing.. Of course, I do not favor situations where I'm being a puppet and be told what to do and then get blamed for just following orders.. Logic? No, it doesn't make sense to me.. it's Nonsense!

A constant change of mind from bosses can not only demotivate an employee but it also confuses them in what to do next..
Next thing you know, your employee will spend half of their time thinking and guessing what their boss really want them to do instead of doing what they normally do best..

Confusing isn't it? I know.. :(

SO what does all these leads to? not productivity, not growth but only stress.. STRESS!

to be honest...

To be honest, I just don't know how to communicate with you..
You are like the ball hanging on a thread.. Wind blows that enable you to move everywhere..
I couldn't understand what you really want.. because it seems like you have a minor Alzheimer..

I do understand that people got their own way of doing work.. mine too!
Some people care for the results, while others care for the process..
But with you, you are just wanting a puppet of your own.. to follow what you want them to do..
A puppet that is a replica of you.. another you.. the twins you..

To be honest, that is not me :)

It is not friendly at all

I understand that some competition can trigger people to be motivated..
It is good especially a friendly kind of competition.. It just helps to move people around..

But too much of the competition can not only make it worst, but also make the people becomes individualist, selfish, fake, and lies.. at least, this is what i think, what i feel..

It has only becomes the "face game" for the superior and war between workers below.. and if this is so, how can this be any team work? or motivation as it initial started to be?

Or maybe, it is only me who cut off from the working society now.. I remembered harmony in working few years back and we work as a team, a real team player, and hence, as a company, we stand strong.. 

For now, all I can sense is only people trying hard to protect their own salary, their own benefit, their own face.. and it's often forgotten that at some point of your time in life, you would also need a shoulder to lean on..