Enjoying myself

I enjoy being pregnant.. and i enjoy being a mom..
Now, i need to start enjoy being a single mom..

When i was 18, i already start to think of being pregnant.. simply because i think all pregnant ladies are gorgeous! 

The other day, i was carrying my son while he's taking a nap.. i couldn't pass him to anyone or put him into stroller because he will be awake and start to cry.. and then, i guess he was having nightmare, his tiny hand was holding to my shirt so tight as if someone gonna steal him away.. at that moment, some random thoughts struck me and i never wanna let go even though my hand are already sore until not able to bend..

I, too, wish for a man i can hold on to when im having nightmare.. someone who can kiss away my pain.. someone who rather hurt himself in exchange for my smiles.. but life isn't this perfect..

Having to go through all these isn't easy.. because it feels like forever especially the one i thought who is loving me, actually blame me for all that is happening.. it definitely hurts to know how she told me he said she can give her the love feeling and at the same time, he's proving to me that she's right..

People says human will tend to be more mature once they have children.. but in my case, i don't see how it can happen.. 

As much as i love to tell them that im enjoying my life now, it is a million times depressed as ever..