The hopeless me

If anyone were to ask me now, do i still put hope into something i know wouldn't happen? My answer would be yes.

That's because whenever whatever happen to me, i still wanted to share with him..
Whenever a special day is around the corner, i still hope that he'll date me out..

At the same time, i know im thinking too much because it will never happen.. i know because i know him.. and it is much more utterly sad to know he rather spend time with her..

Maybe, it was because of me having too much free time.. or maybe it's the hormone imbalance that affecting my thinking.. but has anyone thought that maybe it is because this is what i wanted as well?

With this guy, i could say that i've experience a lot of moments that i never had with another human being.. but this guy also chooses to treat another girl the same way he treated me.. it does hurt when i realize i wasn't "the only one" for him.. but what's really hurt is that when i know he lied to me in order to protect her..

I hate myself for thinking i was the special one.. and i also hate myself for putting hope on something i know wouldn't happen..

Im not sure about how other female feels.. but i know, all human just wanted to feel that they're important to their significant other.. 

And all human wants, is just to be loved.. but no magic will happen if both does not want it to be magical.. :(